Husband: How did it go? Were you able to get everybody's Christmas present?
Me: I sure did! What the - did you drink ALL the EGG NOGG!!! Oh, phew - I thought that was the last of it. Anyway, it was a great day of shopping.
Husband: Is that an Express bag? Who did you shop for at Express?
Husband: No, seriously - who did you buy a present for at Express? AND VICTORIA SECRET?! I thought we were only buying presents for friends and family this year, what is this?
Me: I know, I'm sorry. The Christmas spirit totally hijacked me, man.
Husband: I'd rather you not call me "man," that's weird.
Me: Gingerbeard McGhee?
Husband: I'm not a ginger.
Me: Your beard is seriously bright orange.
Husband: You're color blind.
Me: Let's keep it real - you have ginger-vitis ... bad.
Husband: No, I don't. Thanks.
Me: How long have you been in denial?
Husband: Coming from the woman whose childhood pictures look like she was running around with her head on fire?
Me: Exactly - which is why I know a ginger when I see one. I know my people.
Husband: Okay, that's enough ... you were saying about the shopping?
Me: Anyway, I innocently ran into a gazillion "if you irresponsibly wait until the very last minute, we'll reward your procrastination with awesome deals because we can't sell this crap after the holidays" sales.
Husband: Well, did you get anything for me?
Me: Pfffft ... duh. Drum roll please ... Ba Ba Ba Baaaaaaaaa! Snowman pajama pants babe!
Husband: *blink* *blink*
Me: Don't stare at me blankly with X-Factor Britney Spears eyes. They're from the GAP. Wait, no sorry - Old Navy. I found these abandoned in the section up front shoved in-between all the random crap like Hello Kitty kitchen knives and mints. I'm pretty sure these were free.
Husband: They look cheap.
Me: Well, I mean - technically - free is cheap. But whatever, Mr. Trump - I mean - McGhee - next time I'll get you Burberry snowman pajama pants.
Husband: I guess the "Victoria Secret" stuff could technically be considered "ours."
Me: Well, it's a PINK hoodie and over-sized sweat pants ... but yes ... "ours" has a better ring to it.
Husband: You are the worst.
Me: And the best?
Me: More egg nogg?