Husband: How did it go? Were you able to get everybody's Christmas present?

Me: I sure did!  What the - did you drink ALL the EGG NOGG!!!  Oh, phew - I thought that was the last of it.  Anyway, it was a great day of shopping.

Husband: Is that an Express bag?  Who did you shop for at Express?

Me: Pardon?

Husband:  No, seriously - who did you buy a present for at Express?  AND VICTORIA SECRET?! I thought we were only buying presents for friends and family this year, what is this?

Me:  I know, I'm sorry.  The Christmas spirit totally hijacked me, man.

Husband:  I'd rather you not call me "man," that's weird.

Me:  Dude?

Husband:  No.

Me:  Gingerbeard  McGhee?

Husband: I'm not a ginger.

Me:  Your beard is seriously bright orange.

Husband:  You're color blind.

Me: Let's keep it real - you have ginger-vitis ... bad.

Husband:  No, I don't.  Thanks.

Me: How long have you been in denial?

Husband: Coming from the woman whose childhood pictures look like she was running around with her head on fire?

Me: Exactly - which is why I know a ginger when I see one.  I know my people.

Husband: Okay, that's enough ... you were saying about the shopping?

Me: Anyway, I innocently ran into a gazillion "if you irresponsibly wait until the very last minute, we'll reward your procrastination with awesome deals because we can't sell this crap after the holidays" sales.

Husband:  Well, did you get anything for me? 

Me:  Pfffft ... duh.  Drum roll please ... Ba Ba Ba Baaaaaaaaa!  Snowman pajama pants babe!

Husband:  *blink* *blink*

Me:  Don't stare at me blankly with X-Factor Britney Spears eyes.  They're from the GAP.  Wait, no sorry - Old Navy.  I found these abandoned in the section up front shoved in-between all the random crap like Hello Kitty kitchen knives and mints. I'm pretty sure these were free.

Husband: They look cheap.

Me:  Well, I mean - technically - free is cheap.  But whatever, Mr. Trump - I mean - McGhee - next time I'll get you Burberry snowman pajama pants.

Husband: I guess the "Victoria Secret" stuff could technically be considered "ours."

Me: Well, it's a PINK hoodie and over-sized sweat pants ... but yes ... "ours" has a better ring to it.

Husband: You are the worst.

Me: And the best?

Husband: No.

Me: More egg nogg?