Husband: Babe? Can you make me an egg sandwich for breakfast?
Me: Honey, I have so much work I have to get done this morning ... can't you make it? It's just scrambled eggs between toast.
Husband: I know, but you make it so much better than I do ...
Me: That's impossible, the ingredients are exactly the same.
Husband: Well obviously the ratios aren't.
Me: Ok ... well ... that's a good point. Lucky for you eggs are so easy it hurts. Scramble some eggs, salt and pepper, put the bread in the toaster, and if you want, use a little mayo.
Husband: Ok, should I use the spray or oil for the pan?
Me: First, we're not having breakfast on the range ... let's put the cast iron aside. Just grab one of those smaller pans right there ...
Husband: The wok?
Me: *dead stare*
Husband: Frying pan?
Me: Yes, honey, obviously. Before we were married, you did actually make your own eggs. Let's try to transport back to that time ...
Husband: I'm trying to make it like you do ...
Me: Ok, well my special trick to making eggs is common sense ... now just use the spray or a little butter ...
Husband: Which one do you use?
Me: It depends on if I'm caring about calories.
Husband: *blank stare*
Me: Butter ok? If you want it to taste really yummy, use some butter. Holy crap not that much butter!!
Husband: Well I don't know how much to use!
Me: So you take a risk with half a stick? Take most of that out and let it melt. Now scramble some eggs in a separate bowl, a little salt and pepper, but it in the hot pan, move it around, then viola! Now let me get back to work ...
Husband: How many eggs?
Me: However many you want.
Husband: How many fit good in a sandwich?
Me: *inhales deep, calming breath* 2 or 3.
Husband: I'll do three. How much salt, a pinch?
Me: A pinch is fine.
Husband: Where'd you put the toaster?
Me: OHH MYYY - MOVE! Move, move, move. Move, move, move, move, move, I'll make it.
Husband: It's ok, I got it.
Me: If by got it, you mean you don't got it, then I agree with you. It's taking me longer to explain it, I'll just make it for you.
Husband: Well, if you don't mind. Thanks babe. *walks to couch and turns on TV*
Me: You're welcome ... *light bulb* wait ... just ... one ... minute ...