Husband:  Babe?  Can you make me an egg sandwich for breakfast?

Me:  Honey, I have so much work I have to get done this morning ... can't you make it?  It's just scrambled eggs between toast.

Husband: I know, but you make it so much better than I do ...

Me:  That's impossible, the ingredients are exactly the same.

Husband: Well obviously the ratios aren't.

Me:  Ok ... well ... that's a good point.  Lucky for you eggs are so easy it hurts.  Scramble some eggs, salt and pepper, put the bread in the toaster, and if you want, use a little mayo.

Husband:  Ok, should I use the spray or oil for the pan? 

Me: First, we're not having breakfast on the range ... let's put the cast iron aside.  Just grab one of those smaller pans right there ...

Husband: The wok?

Me: *dead stare*

Husband:  Frying pan?

Me: Yes, honey, obviously.  Before we were married, you did actually make your own eggs.  Let's try to transport back to that time ...

Husband:  I'm trying to make it like you do ...

Me:  Ok, well my special trick to making eggs is common sense ... now just use the spray or a little butter ...

Husband:  Which one do you use?

Me:  It depends on if I'm caring about calories.

Husband:  *blank stare*

Me:  Butter ok?  If you want it to taste really yummy, use some butter.  Holy crap not that much butter!!

Husband: Well I don't know how much to use!

Me:  So you take a risk with half a stick?  Take most of that out and let it melt. Now scramble some eggs in a separate bowl, a little salt and pepper, but it in the hot pan, move it around, then viola!  Now let me get back to work ...

Husband: How many eggs?

Me:  However many you want.

Husband:  How many fit good in a sandwich?

Me: *inhales deep, calming breath*  2 or 3.

Husband: I'll do three.  How much salt, a pinch?

Me: A pinch is fine.

Husband:  Where'd you put the toaster?

Me: OHH MYYY - MOVE!  Move, move, move.  Move, move, move, move, move, I'll make it.

Husband:  It's ok, I got it.

Me:  If by got it, you mean you don't got it, then I agree with you.  It's taking me longer to explain it, I'll just make it for you.

Husband:  Well, if you don't mind.  Thanks babe.  *walks to couch and turns on TV*

Me:  You're welcome ... *light bulb*  wait ... just ... one ... minute ...