Outrageous

Anna's Guide To Meditating Badly

I don't know if you know this, but I'm a professional meditator.*

It all began when I decided to kick my spirituality up a notch and started incorporating meditation to my daily routine. The rigors of starting a business while trying to be constantly creative has kept my brain spouting off like it’s on a bad mushroom trip - and I’m not talking the truffle variety for you prudes.

In truth, I’ve really enjoyed it. It has kept me focused on my purpose, not results. On serving others, not who can serve me.

How Anna and Jenny Resolve Conflict

A couple days ago, Anna and Jenny experienced a tension-filled conversation that felt like daggers to their hearts.  It's not easy running a business (I use the term business in relation to this website pretty loosely here) and when deadlines hit, sometimes tensions run high. Like most arguments, it centered around miscommunication.

Anna decided to extend the first olive branch to reconciliation by sending Jenny this:

My Near Death Experience

The other night I was sleeping on my little sissy's couch. It was either that or snuggle with her in bed and since her son is still nursing, I was afraid of awkward encounters of the midnight snacking variety.

Anyway, I awoke to the sound of someone having a heck of a time with a baby-proof lid. You know? Like the kind on bottle of Tylenol or something?

Click...click...rattle...rattle.

I thought perhaps it was Buck, my nephew, running his toys across the bars of his crib. But it wasn't coming from that direction.

Teachers Are Awesome Freaks?

Looking back at my time as a teacher,  I realized I was a freak with superhuman powers. Let me explain...

Keeping New Year Resolutions, But Not Really

I don’t want to brag, but when I make a New Years resolution, I keep it. Until I don’t keep it, which pretty much happens every year. (Note: this will be the hook for tomorrow’s eCard. Try and act surprised when you see it. Thanks.)

I always find the week between Christmas and New Years Day a little awkward. I’ve already made my resolutions, so right after Christmas, I’m usually anxious to start them. Mostly because my pants are tight.

“Why don’t you just buy those incredible stretchy “pajama jeans” to help get you through?” I can hear you saying.

The Most Thought Provoking Reviews of the Century: The Hutzler 5717 Banana Slicer

The most thought provoking reviews of the century: The Hutzler 5717 Banana Slicer

The Mother of Bad Gifts: Baby Wee Wee

 

Most people search for the BEST Christmas gifts. We search for...the worst. Like terrible, awkward and something that makes you lose faith in humanity.

 

And by the beard of Zeus, I'm pretty sure we found something that takes the cake. There were a lot of contenders. There are a lot of horrible gift ideas that never should be sent to production.

 

Contender #1: Gelli Baff or "Yes, let's create more chaos and mess during bath time because that would be so fun"

 

A Boob Sandwich and Bone Particles

Have you ever had your boobs caught in a Panini sandwich maker? I feel like that it is the best way to describe a mammogram.

I'm Pretty Sure I'm an Oracle - Twice.

This post has been updated from last year ... updated with more hilarity, that is.

I always knew I had a gift, I just didn't know it was the same gift as the sweet old black woman making oatmeal cookies in the movie The Matrix.  Turns out, we're both Oracles.

Wow, it feels good to finally get that off my chest.

The Importance Of Matching Your Underwear To Your Shoes

Via: Public Domain Pictures

I got all dressed for church. I mean I thought I really looked good!

Inappropriate Elf Contest at BabyRabies!

Making gingerbread houses that turn out nothing like the picture is fun to do this holiday season.

Dreaming of the perfect Christmas cookie tray you'll bring to your play date is delightful.

But thinking of all the hilarious and inappropriate scenarios for your Elf on the Shelf just might have you up until 2am laughing manically by yourself.

Need a place to post your outrageous (and probably inappropriate) photos? Head over to Baby Rabies because this is so happening right now:

My Pedicure In A Third World Country Plus Lionel Richie

Have you ever been in a situation where you're uncomfortable, but you don't do anything about it because you could offend someone? Even though that someone else is a perfect stranger?

Why do we put ourselves through it! The following is a situation where, on several occasions, I should have put my foot down (literally) and left, but I didn't want to insult a 'professional' at work - so I stayed. And suffered. But now I definitely look back and laugh because it's so ridiculous.

The Year I Ruined Thanksgiving

2004 was the year I graduated college. Came back from Spain. Cooked crappy Rachel Ray meals.

It was also the year I ruined Thanksgiving.

I set 4 alarms the night before I missed my fateful flight to Indianapolis.  How does one turn off 4 alarms in their sleep?  It may have something to do with going to bed 3 hours before one was supposed to wake up...

I woke up in a panic, realizing that I had missed my flight.  By 2 hours.  I called my mom, crying of course, and she quickly rerouted my ticket to Chicago.

A HooHas Pinterest Hair Tutorial! (AKA Just Put Your Hat Back On)

Pinterest helps women of the world to feel their very best.

They offer tutorials that help us add ribbons, braids and even small birds to our hair.

Realizing I had been wearing a hat for the past week, I decided to venture out into the land of Pins and try one out.

And boy oh boy, am I glad that I did.

1. This is what I call, "Week old hair that is a little Nick Nolte with a side of heroin addict/inmate. When you're hair hits this point, try this tutorial!

Never Too Old To Need Your Mommy: The Airport Bathroom Incident

My mom and I have shared many special moments throughout the years.

Several of those memories have been made as we travel to women's events where I speak. While my mom fondly remembers days of tea rooms and trellises, a favorite memory of mine occurred recently in the Nashville airport.

Dieting Woes

Diets suck.

To quote Julia Roberts in Notting Hill, “I've been on a diet every day since I was nineteen, which basically means I've been hungry for a decade.” Except I haven’t been on a diet since I was 19…because I like food.

My diets typically last one week at a time, and start with a celebrity endorsement and end with something involving bacon. I would love to lose weight, but I would also love to eat more. This is my problem.

Takeout Name Fail: My Name is Not a Body Part, Thank You Very Much

~Submitted by Lois

My name is pretty common, pretty plain. It's not too hard to even spell.

So when I ordered food at work for delivery, I even spelled out my name to the girl taking the order. L-O-I-S.

See the takeout box, with my name written on it -- or how they thought it would be spelled...

Fall Hat Month: Styles You Should (NEVER) Try

September’s already half over, and while we’ve pumpkin spiced everything from coffee to cough syrup, we seem to have neglected one of the greatest celebrations September has to offer…FALL HAT MONTH! The time for appropriate headwear has arrived, but some of you might not be up to speed on how to rock this ever illusive above-the-neck fashion. Here’s a handbook to help your headwear handicap!

The Worst Cupcake Recipes in the World

I am not a runner.

I’m not totally physically inept, but I’m not a runner.

I played sports in high school, and displayed Olympic-quality potential, up until running became a deciding factor (soccer, basketball and softball, in that order).

I never used “women problems” to get out of P.E., but I scheduled a counselor’s appointment in the middle of our last gym class so I didn’t have to run the two mile final. And if you found me running in public, there’s a good chance you’d find a zombie behind me, or a cupcake in front of me.

Anna is Taken Down a Notch: An Awkward Tale About a Sour Dose of Humility

If you’ve been following us, then you know Jen and I just went to a BlogHer ’12 conference in NYC.

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