Outrageous

Anna's Helpful Tips for Traveling Badly

People sometimes think about asking me, “Wow, Anna. How do you do it? How do you manage to travel so badly, yet so effortlessly?”

Truth is, I’ve mastered the art of inefficient travel for gosh, I don’t know - since I was old enough to pack my own suitcase for a vacation, I guess.

When no one asked me to share my tips, I realized it was time to officially create a post to help all of you travel badly too. If you have more bad travel tips to add, please do so in the comments.

Paps in Kazakhstan: Just Say "Nyet!"

I have recently embarked on a new adventure: teaching overseas. I was scared of many things before I moved to Kazakhstan, but I had never thought to be scared of the treatment of my lady bits. 

In Kazakhstan, teachers need to have medical check-ups to ensure they are not contagious to the country’s youth. Good idea in theory, terrifying in practice. We had been warned about this a week in advance; the school noted the convenience of having the examining team come directly to our school to set up for our exams in the playground and campus facilities. But the warning lacked some of the important details that would make one mentally prepared for such a process.

OMAGHEEERD! A HooHas New Web Design!

I feel like I just moved out of a hoarders basement and moved right into Jay Z and Beyonce’s basement.

And it feels good folks, it feels real good.

We’ve been working really hard to give our fans a better experience while navigating our website.

The most dramatic change? Our new eCard gallery. BaZING!

Why Do You Hurt Me So Good, Facebook?

My mom recently signed up (begrudgingly, mind you) for a Facebook account. My phone rang within moments of accumulating her first set of friends.

Weinerschnitzel + Awkward Interaction = Awesome

The other night I was feeling peckish. And as any good fat girl does, I decided to hit up a fast food joint to feed my salty, greasy, cheesy addiction. I head to the Weinerschnitzel that is convieniently only a few blocks away from my house. I order my meal and drive up to the window. The cashier tells me my total and I hand over my debit card. There I sit in my car day dreaming about how delicious my cheese fries will taste when I get home to sit infront of my tv to watch The Biggest Loser (don't judge me).

The cashier opens her window and begins to hand back my debit card along with the receipt and a pen. I lightly grab the pen she is handing to me so that it doesn't fall between my window and the building. Lord help me if I actually have to get down from my car to retrieve it. I'm wearing a colored maroon old college tee shirt, no bra, green sweat cut-offs, and dress shoes (they were the closest shoes to the door).

When Killing a Praying Mantis Goes Wrong ... Real Wrong.

I have two major phobias. Balloons and bugs.

My poor children were deprived of birthday balloons and while they did do the usual childhood thing of finding and collecting bugs in peanut butter jars, their ‘catches of the day’ were always admired by me (because I am a good parent) from a kilometre away.
My youngest child, Thomas, is profoundly autistic. Anyone who knows anything about autism will surely know that they are extremely literal.

After a really long and busy day, I was in the kitchen organizing dinner (I was probably on the phone ordering take-out, not cooking..remember because it was one of those days.) Thomas came through to me in the kitchen, bouncing his little body (he was 12 but tiny) and at the top of his voice, repeatedly saying “Praying mantis on the door! Praying mantis on the door!”

I peed in my pants a little.

Envisioning a creepy green long stick like insect spread eagled on MY screen door, and calmly (well as calmly as a bug-phobe would) told him to get the bug spray and “Get rid of it NOW! Kill it! Kill It!”

Thomas bounced off armed with a keg sized can of bug spray and I could hear him spraying the bejeezuz out of the bug on my screen door. He came back screaming “The praying man still on the door!!”

Your Weight is Fine. Now Go Chase This Frisbee!

Has anyone ever fallen victim to what I like to call ‘No honey, your weight is fine, just chase that Frisbee, will you?’ In a moment of clarity one can only have whilst standing on their bathroom scales at 6 am, it has dawned on me that I have indeed fallen for that very trick myself, that my husband has been sneakily swindling me for the last two weeks, under the guise of ‘good, active, family fun.’

Hemorrhoids *snap* And All That Jazz!

Earlier this week I had a nasty bug that caused some pretty disgusting symptoms. One was a massive headache that lasted a few days. The other, and I can’t believe I’m typing this but here goes: The other was some gut-wrenchingly painful stomach cramps and explosive gas and diarrhea.

A Little Crisco, A Lot Of Spandex

This post was originally published on Neon Fresh in March 2011.

I love evenings out and I hate evenings out.  I have a love/hate relationship with them.  I love the food, the music, the conversation, the dancing… the Cha-Cha slide.

I hate slathering myself in vegetable shortening just to squeeze my new, fuller mommy figure into a dress that’s bursting at the seams.

I'm Best Friends with Ana Gasteyer. There. I Said it.

I try not to talk too much about my personal life on HooHas. Well, except for the fart story or all the Conversations with my Husbands or all those posts about my period panties. So today, I’m taking a huge leap of faith to share with all of you, that yes, indeed - I am best friends with Ana Gasteyer.

My Dog's Illicit Affair With a Peanut Butter Toy. Also, His Explosive Diarrhea.

Originally published on October 21st, 2011.

When Anna and Jen Almost Died in the Redwoods

This story, as outrageous as it sounds, is 100% true.  Nothing has been exaggerated.  Enjoy ...

About 6 years ago, when I (Anna) was working at a university in northern California, Jen (the original co-founder of HaHas for HooHas) flew in for a long weekend visit. In typical Anna and Jen fashion, each day was packed with adventures. This story is about one particular adventure that included sporadic moments of screaming "Oh God, we're gonna die!"

I'm referring to the trip to Redwood Forest.

Receive a Polite Note? Allow Us To Translate That For You ...

As the saying goes, if you have nothing nice to say, write a polite note to passive aggressively get your point across! Allow us a moment to translate our favorite "polite notes" ...

The "Follow-Up" Email

App Addiction: Cat Effects

I have a problem, friends. A big problem.

When I look at pictures I've taken, I don't see the photo for what it is anymore.

I try to see how to best insert cats into the photo.

I know, it's sick and twisted and I don't want a cure.

Here we have Example A:

Sweet baby boy was playing in the snow, he stuck out his arms to gain his balance and I snapped a pic of the best cat arm stand I've ever seen. How is this not hilarious?

Oh Honey, That is NOT Hand Sanitizer

~Submitted by Grace


Via: Flickr, Myrone Delacruz

You can’t really explain what “awkward” means to a child because they just haven’t experienced it yet.

Dos and Don'ts For An Extra Saucy Boudoir Photography Session

Is it hot in here or is it just your saucy boudoir photos you plan on giving your lover for Valentine's Day?

And Then I Bought Shaving Cream

~Submitted by Chelsi I had just started my first job about a month ago and had to through the trouble of setting up a bank account and all of that stuff. I currently wasn't driving because frankly it seemed like more of a pain than anything. A few days after I received my bank card I needed money. Or more recently a ride to the ATM. I was all ready for bed in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts when I remembered that I needed money for the next day. Keep in mind it was the middle of winter.

10 Things I Wish I Had Been Taught In School

I have yet to meet a woman who didn’t know how to wrap her hair in a towel.

It’s automatic. Head down, apply towel, twist, and voila! Your hair is out of your face, and you’re free to do what you do while it dries.

There are other things, however, that don’t come naturally.

Most of them are taught in school: reading, writing, recorder performances of Hot Cross Buns - all things that were meant to better us later in life.

The HooHas Top 5: Sexy Tips for Valentine's Day

Looking for some ways to keep the romance on and poppin' for Valentine's Day?

Look no further, the HooHas have compiled a top 5 list of our favorite sexy tips!

1)  Wear a Hoodie Footie - it's Purrrrrfect. Bored of that tired old lingerie from Victoria Secret?  We don't blame you.  Men are very visual, so give them as much eye candy as humanly (or should I say leopardy) possible on this Saints Day of Love.

You Can Call Me Lefty

 

I’ve never wanted to have my own babies. “I ain’t birthing no babies,” I used to tell my mom.

 

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