Outrageous

I Speak Fluent #Hashtag

I Speak Fluent #Hashtag via @hahasforhoohas

They say that when you start to actively use social media, you begin to think in character limits and concise thoughts/jokes that are captivating enough to grab the attention of the reader and promote action. And then you do all of those things that "they" told you to do and find yourself learning a new language. Learning a language you never dreamt would exist anywhere but a crappy, Sci-Fi student film about aliens who pronounce the written symbols in the English language.

Then something frightening happens.

You stop thinking in the bizarre alien language and you start speaking it.

The Pee on the T

The Pee on the T via @hahasforhoohas

Never in my life did I expect to be that drunk girl. However, all it took was one incident to learn my lesson to never say never. My best friend and I, who have been BFFs since the very first day of kindergarten, were attending a concert in Boston one day. We also had plans to meet up later that night for drinks with this guy that I went to college with who had liked me for a while. We had all hung out the previous weekend and had been texting all week. I still didn't know whether I liked this guy or not and was kind of nervous.

So to ease the nerves, after the concert, my BFF and I decided to get started early and headed to a bar for a beer. We got hungry and went to another bar, one of our favorites, which has the most delicious pizza. So we ordered drinks while waiting for our pizza and finished those quickly. We ordered another round when our pizza was ready and at this point the two of us are definitely starting to feel tipsy. My guy had texted asking where we were at this point because we were late. We decided to order one more shot before we left so we would definitely be off to a good start for the night. This was probably where my first mistake occurred. Because we were in such a hurry to leave and get to the train station, I did not even think about going to the bathroom. All of a sudden when we are sitting on the subway, underground, without public restrooms does it hit me like a hurricane........literally.

I'm a Dirty Liar - I Didn't Literally LOL

As texting and instant messaging becomes a frequent way in which we all communicate, I feel as if I need to come clean.

If you say something clever, or kinda funny, and I say LOL – I’m lying to you. I’m a dirty rotten liar with no shame. I made you believe I was laughing out loud, but I was actually sitting at my computer straight faced. Probably mouth breathing. I may also have been looking at Pinterest and might have just barely glanced at what you said. I know I wrote LOL – but this is what my face looked like …

I know, I’m the worst!!

Crap You Don't Need But Maybe We Do: Uniface

Crap You Don't Need But Maybe We Do: Uniface via @hahasforhoohas

I'm here to share an embarrassing truth with all of you. Please be gentle with me because this decision was a really freaking hard one to make. 

I suffer from adult acne. 

I also suffer from a severe case of having never grown up enough to know what the crap to do to take care of my face skin and if you ask me to do fancy makeup

 

Get Ready to Steal Anna's Birthday Presents

Steal Anna's Birthday Presents via @hahasforhoohas #GameofHooHas

You guys. YOU GUYS! 

The final episode in our #GameofHooHas series is LIVE this Thursday, September 19th, at 6p PT. 

A True Tale of Heroism and Retreat

There it was.

My respite.

My peace.

My complete exodus from the difficulties of attending two classes a day and waking up in the afternoon. Cheers.

Things That Make Me Irrationally Ragey (That Probably Shouldn't to Be Totally Honest)

Becoming overwhelmed with an irrational rage happens to the best of us. My list of things that make me irrationally ragey proves that sometimes it's the smallest of life's injustices that can really grind my gears.

And also, I might be a little petty.

Listen, I'm not proud of it. But it is what it is and as they say, the first step to healing is admitting you have a problem. Except I don't really want to admit I have a problem per se, I'd rather just vent about it and then have you all affirm to me that I'm not alone and that this is completely normal.

Duvet Covers

Oh, sweet duvet cover. Where do I begin. First, I love how rectangular shaped you are even though my down comforter is square shaped. All that extra material is perfect for when my husband does a ninja move that puts all the stuffing on his side leaving me with the thin, wispy unstuffed end of your rectangle shape. Even though I've tied you down in the inside, it's as if little Keebler Elves have been working over time to set my comforter free from the chains of your duvet bondage. 

Crap You Don't Need But Maybe We Do: Thong Jeans

Crap We Don't Need But Maybe You Do: Thong Jeans via @hahasforhoohas

Do you ever find yourself struggling to put together just the right outfit in the morning? Maybe you're headed out the door to an important business meeting? Perhaps even to school drop off? 

I know I have issues deciding what to wear every time I lift my head off that beautiful pillow. At the same time, I like for my wardrobe to make a statement about me, as a person, as an individual, if you will. 

This is why the moment I laid eyes on this hassle-free approach to one of the most reflective and fashionable statement pieces ever created, I was all wallet and no regret.

 

And Then My Boobs Sang

And Then My Boobs Sang via @hahasforhoohas

Last week, I had a life changing experience.

Like, the heavens (or whatever) opened up, Michael C. Hall looked down upon me and smiled. Johnny Depp did a roundhouse kick while kittens licked a tattoo of a narwhal onto me as an IV drip of the most perfect Americano poured into my veins.

I had my first bra fitting.

You guys. LIFE CHANGING.

Those of you who have had one, or multiple even, like normal people who don’t put off things like I do, probably just threw your hands up and yelled “I KNOW RIGHT!”. Those of you who are in my boat and have never had one probably just covered your boobs at the thought of having someone fit you for a bra.

I’m here to suggest demand each and every one of you run, don’t walk, your ladies into a bra fitting RIGHT MEOW.

I was one of those lucky/unlucky ones who got boobs at the age of like 9 and got to figure out how I felt about that at the same time everyone else got to figure out how they felt about that. It was terrible, awkward, and I have never had a very good relationship with my boobs because of it. I resent them for lots of reasons – they made guys ogle me, take me less seriously, and most recently, they didn’t help me feed my baby when I needed them to. They aren’t my favorite, is what I'm saying.

What Would Danny Tanner Do?

What Would Danny Tanner Do? via @hahasforhoohas #GameofHooHas

Anna Can't Be Trusted On Hospital Drugs

Have you been put under anesthesia on the surgery table, only to wake up talking with an African accent?  Well, I have - and I would appreciate it if I wasn't judged.

About a month ago I had to have a fairly minor surgery, but I still needed to go completely under anesthesia.  Other than the unbelievably amazing laughing gas I experienced while getting my wisdom teeth pulled or being frightfully awake during LASIK, I've never had to go completely under before and I was a little hesitant about the whole thing.

During my minor, yet heroic surgical experience, I learned a few things about myself - A) I’m susceptible to placeboes B) I love hospital mesh panties and C) I finish a joke at all costs.

My first observation as I was getting settled in was the demeanor of my pre-op nurse. I've always taken cues from authority figures on whether to freak out or not in a stressful situation I can’t control. Are they indifferent? Cautious? Or obnoxiously happy? Indifferent means there’s nothing to worry about. Cautious means the situation isn’t good, but it’s manageable. Obnoxiously happy means we’re all gonna die.  Apply this to flight attendants when you’re on a plane with abnormal turbulence. You can thank me later.

I Am The Fred Astaire of The Potty Dance

I Am The Fred Astaire of The Potty Dance via @hahasforhoohas

I've always had a talent for holding in my pee with grace. 

I'm sure it started when I was fairly young, but I can't be entirely sure because I was an infant and infants have terrible memories. If the beauty of my movement today is any indication of where I've come from, I'm confident I came out kick, ball changing. 

The HooHas React to the VMAs with Ridiculous Memes

Last night was a really big night. If you didn't hear, and really, how could you not, the MTV Video Music Awards were broadcast live for the world to see and those sneaks over at MTV had some pretty great surprises up their sleeves. 

The show opened with a "performance" by the one and only Lady GaGa. And, well, let's just say:

Shut Up, I'm Trying to Study

I just barely saw Pitch Perfect for the first time the other night (I know, I know. What kind of female am I?!) and immediately fell down a rabbit hole on YouTube, looking for people who have done incredible things with Anna Kendrick's "Cup Song" from the film. 

Little did I know, I was about to stumble upon a young HooHa who I'm convinced will grow up into one of the most hilarious women ever. 

-Jess 

Forgetting My Keys: A Tale of Denial, Panic, Rage and Severe Boredom

Oddly enough, my “Holy shiz, I’m locked out” face looks exactly like my “Can someone pull the shades down please? A sun beam is shooting right at me and burning my retinas” face.

It’s a face filled with shock, horror, denial and a hint of rage as I try to think of someone else I can blame. 

Walk with me as I share a tale from last Friday as I was locked out of my home. It’s a tale of shock, denial, fear, acceptance, anger, and ultimately, severe boredom ...

This Bad News Can't Break Me

This Bad News Can't Break Me via @hahasforhoohas

There is some bad news I just received that, if I were to let it, could very well destroy me. That's what it was intended to do to a fragile woman like me, but I refuse.

It has recently been brought to my attention that the most incredible piece of news in the past decade, turns out to be just a hopeful rumor.

(Sort Of) Sophie B Hawkins + Rabies + You = PRIZES

Damn, I Wish You Knew Your Lyrics via @HaHasforHooHas

Next Thursday, August 22nd, we have another episode of our #GameofHooHas season and we're turning it up so many notches. You thought that with back to school and the flip of a calendar page that summer would be gone? Well, think again, punks because we are about to scorch you with all the hotness notches we are cranking here at HooHas HQ...or something less violent that makes you want to continue loving on us. 

We're playing an all new(ish) game of Damn, I Wish You Knew Your Lyrics with our friend and the mastermind behind the Twitter account recently listed by Vogue as a must-follow for people in their 30s, Jill Krause from Baby Rabies

 

The Friday Night Wars

The Friday Night Wars via @hahasforhoohas

My wife loves the HGTV Network. It stands for Home and Garden Television, and in our one TV household, there is nothing more deflating for me than walking into the living room on a Friday night, all set to cuddle up with the Mrs. while watching an On Demand movie and see that I am too late.

Did Somebody Say "Girlfriends"

Because TV commercials totally have us women pegged. Totally. 

Follow Megan Amram on Twitter because she is the hilarious mastermind behind this video.

A Torrid Love Affair with John Stamos: Illustrated in Vines

Well everyone, I'm in the middle of a lovers quarrel that would put Fabio to shame.

It's a drama filled with betrayal. Heartache. Passion.

By now, most of you should know that I'm having a love affair with John Stamos. You'll see it in the following videos - this sensual love affair is very real. I recommend a cool cloth with some tissues to help aid you through the torrid drama of this passionate love affair gone wrong.

The story begins when Stick Michael Bolton started stalking me. Not in a creepy, call the cops sort of way. More like a "How many times do I have to tell you, Bolton. It's not you, it's your hair" sort of way. I told him several times my heart belonged to John Stamos, but he never gave up.

 

 

After finding out I was developing an awkward friendship with Stick Michael Bolton, Jessi started to move in on my man.

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