If there's one thing I've learned, it's that an inappropriately exposed wiener really sucks the oxygen out of a room.
My bulldog Bruno’s red rocket is no exception.
I thought neutering my precious baby boy would be a sure fire way to avoid unwelcomed “run ins” with his genitalia, but I was ill prepared for the unexpected red rocket attacks that would seem to hit at terribly awkward times.
Maybe it’s payback for my toddler years. One time my mom had a group of girlfriends over for a fancy lunch. They were all cackling at the kitchen table having a great time carrying on, until I entered the room. Naked. Casually scooting across the kitchen, riding a watermelon. My mom, suddenly blotchy chested and flushed, awkwardly joked - “I’ll be sure to wash that watermelon before serving ...” then trailed off to quickly call out to my sister who was supposed to be watching me.
Is Bruno’s frequently exposed red rocket my naked watermelon ride?
The first time Bruno flashed unexpected guests in our home it took us all by surprise. English Bulldog’s are pretty ridiculous animals and are usually able to conjure a smile from even the most indifferent dog person, so like a newborn baby, I often show off my baby Bruno with intense nostril flared pride.
As I welcomed my pastor and his wife into our home, knowing they’re big dog people, I allowed Bruno to greet them as they came in.
“Hi Bruno! What a big boy!” As the three of them fell into a pleasant state of mutual love and respect, I gave them a quick tour of our loft. As we rounded the corner to have a seat in our family room - we met Bruno on the couch.
“Oh my! There he is!” said my pastor’s wife. But, what she meant to say was, “MY EYES! My God, what is that? It's terrifying!”