If you’re a fan of HaHas for HooHas and didn’t just stumble over to our site by Googling “My husband wants me to pee on him, is this normal?” (yes, that’s a real Google search that brought someone to our website – and no ma’am, it isn’t normal), then you’re aware that I wrote a story called The Fart that (Almost) Altered My Destiny two years ago and long story short, it became the fart heard round the world.

Since it went viral, let’s just say some crazy things have happened:

It's that time of year again where our elves start getting inappropriate and all the deets on how your #InappropriateElf could win you an iPad Air or Nintendo 2DS! 

Guess what, friends? So many things apparently make me so irrationally ragey, I've made a part deux! Some I've listed here were inspired by you, the fans, by the comments left in the first post. The rest, of course, were inspired by the Christmas Spirit. Enjoy!

Christmas Light Hell

Last year, when I took my Christmas lights off the tree, I meticulously rolled and organized them in such a way so that the following year, I would be able to pull them out of the box and wrap them around my new tree with ease.

Yet, somehow, sitting in an undisturbed box for one year evidently causes lights to get more tangled than my web of lies when someone calls me when I'm asleep and I try to play it off like I just got back from a run.

The most cruel twist to my tangled lights fiasco is that it really doesn’t matter they’re tangled because miraculously, half of the lights that worked beautifully when they were last unplugged are now acting like buttholes.

Seriously Christmas lights? Seriously? Is this some prank to knock my Christmas Spirit down a few pegs? Why don’t you just break my Mariah Carey Christmas CD in half while you’re at it?

Growing up is a very vital part of life.

Luckily for me, I had a great, and thankfully patient, teacher in my mother. 

Like most little girls, I was curious. Always asking the hard-hitting questions, I'm sure I proved to be the most obnoxious of the three of us girls. No matter how  incomprehensible the questions I posed could be, my mom was willing to constantly bestow the answers which I would later come learn were 73% BS to get me to hush up for a few minutes of peace. 

I remember the day I learned about the human body's fascinating ability to grow body hair like it was yesterday. And when I say "I remember it like it was yesterday" I obviously mean my mom has retold this story so many times, especially in front of new people in my life who are interested to know what Jess was like as a young girl, that it was probably brought up yesterday so that's why it's so fresh. 

Find out why this letter is totally genius!

I find I'm only deathly afraid of a few things. Dying a Saw movie-esque death, Caillou, and an unidentified, inexplicable stain found in my house or on my person.

Yesterday, I was gathering items around the house for a load of laundry when I was stopped dead in my tracks. 

There it was, staring me right in the eyes. 

A stain. That looked like blood. Or maybe chocolate. Or maybe poop.