Motherhood

The Mother of Bad Gifts: Baby Wee Wee

 

Most people search for the BEST Christmas gifts. We search for...the worst. Like terrible, awkward and something that makes you lose faith in humanity.

 

And by the beard of Zeus, I'm pretty sure we found something that takes the cake. There were a lot of contenders. There are a lot of horrible gift ideas that never should be sent to production.

 

Contender #1: Gelli Baff or "Yes, let's create more chaos and mess during bath time because that would be so fun"

 

The Story Behind the Hell eCard: Checkbooks And Demon Cherubs

I consider myself a very patient person.

When my three year old knocks over his chocolate milk cup for the 3rd time, I calmly wipe it up and remind him that the fourth spill results in pouring honey on his feet and letting ferrets lick it off. (That's one of my nightmares, right behind being trapped in a room with Carrot Top.)

This day in particular, my patience was bordering the insanity line, where I couldn't handle one more tantrum being thrown about not getting to eat off the blue plate because the yellow plate made chicken nuggets taste nasty apparently.

Never Too Old To Need Your Mommy: The Airport Bathroom Incident

My mom and I have shared many special moments throughout the years.

Several of those memories have been made as we travel to women's events where I speak. While my mom fondly remembers days of tea rooms and trellises, a favorite memory of mine occurred recently in the Nashville airport.

A Public Apology of Sorts: Lemonade Stand of Horrors

Kids: Mom! Can we have a lemonade stand?
Me: No.
Kids: Mom! Can we have a lemonade stand?
Me: NO! It's a weekday. Everyone is working so they can't come buy lemonade.

Playground Parents

Ah, the playground…

It’s an enchanting place where kids get to be kids. Children are the stars and on display as their silly, spastic, bouncy, and adventurous little selves.

These little stars, though certainly the VIP’s of the park, have brought their assistants along as well…their parents.

Sweet Mother of Mercy, That's Not a Whistle!!

When my daughter was about 5yrs old, my mother and I were walking around the neighborhood, with her following up.

Next thing I hear it “Doo da Doo…look at my new whistle mommy." I turned around to see her with a pink USED tampon holder up to her mouth blowing on it! (It was obviously trash day and this fell out of one of the bins.)

OH MY GOSH!

Liquid Hell

Conversation with my Hubby... about changing our 2 year old son's diaper.


Via: HaHas for HooHas

Me:  What is that smell?!

Oh Crap, It's the Robert De Niro Face!

Via: Parade

For the Love of a Child: Water Slides and Wedgies

A few weeks ago we took the kids to the pool in the million degree heat. Yea, us. Parents of the year.

Now let's not overlook the fact that I hate being in public in my bathing suit. But even still, I was willing to get past that so my kids could enjoy the pool.

Are You There God? It's Me...

Are you there God? It's me Jenn...

Times have been kind of tough lately.

My boys have been quite challenging and work quite stressful. I am hoping you could help me out just a tad. Could you help me out by reminding my boys of the following things?

1. School clothes are for school and play clothes are for play. School clothes are not to be worn when you are riding your bike in the mud puddle.

2. Stuffed animals cannot take baths like humans can. This means, Baby Elephant and Cookie Monster must stay out of the tub.

Leave The Hair-Cut to the Professionals

Sometimes kids can't catch a break. Like when their parents want to save $8.00 on their haircut and take matters in to their own hands. Last week, we created an eCard about such "overconfident" parents that think hair styling is a breeze. I mean, honestly, how hard is it to trim hair in a straight line? Pretty freakin' hard, actually.

Mom to Mom: Everything Will Go Horribly Wrong in the Mornings

It was raining it's pants off here today, and I would've kind of liked it if not for having to leave the house.

Five Signs You're A Hippie Mom

Signs you know your child has a Hippie Mom:

These examples may or may not be from my son. And I may or may not be a hippie...

1. He pretends to drive his play ambulance to "Natural Grocers," not WalMart, because he doesn't know WalMart exists.

2. He asks for kombucha instead of a juice box.

3. When having trouble sleeping, he asks for chamomile.

4. After getting surgery on a cut finger, he asks for homemade salve to make it better.

5. Your child argues with their friend about the dangers of high fructose corn syrup.

 

What else can you add to the list?

 

Don't be shy hippies, I love your aluminum-free sweaty pits.

Pray for Diapers

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