Motherhood

Misspelled Demands

Photo submitted by Connie.

This was in 2004 when my son was about 7 years old. He was being naughty and I told him he couldn't eat with the rest of the family and he had to wait until we were all done and he would have to eat alone. We are out sitting on the patio having our hot dogs when we see these two signs plastered in the window of his bedroom.

 

Has your little one ever misspelled a word into hilarious gold? Send it our way for a chance to be featured on HooHasSubmit and upload photo HERE!

*Submitters may choose to remain anonymous or receive credit for published submissions, just let us know your preference.

Skeleton Has More Letters, I Think?

Photo submitted by Kari.

In his defense, skeleton does have a lot of letters.

 

Has your little one ever misspelled a word into hilarious gold? Send it our way for a chance to be featured on HooHasSubmit and upload photo HERE!

*Submitters may choose to remain anonymous or receive credit for published submissions, just let us know your preference.

Always Check Their Homework

This has been floating around the Internet for awhile now, but it makes me laugh really, really, really hard every time I see it. Probably because the visual of the mother seeing this for the first time is pretty freaking classic. I also thought it could be a lesson to us all as we get ready for back to school. TaDa!

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After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be very clear on my child’s illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me selling a shovel.

Mrs. Harrington

Via BusinessPundit.com

A Special Kind of Cat

Photo submitted by our friend Amy Bellgardt from Mom Spark

AMY: I think he meant "dog", but this is way better.

HOOHAS: Way, way, way better.

Mom Spark on Instagram

Sorry, we couldn't resist ...

 

Perceived Crisis, Meet Actual Crisis

Perceived Crisis, Meet Actual Crisis via @HaHasforHooHas

...If you have answered "Yes" to any of the above questions, Proceed to "Actual Crisis Protocol" which includes, but is not limited to, calling 9-1-1. 

If you answered "No", then please follow "Perceived Crisis Protocol." 1. Take a breath. 2. Sit down. 3. Consciously make your voice three octaves lower than is your first crisis-loving instinct...

 

 

 

 

My Mother, Myself

My Mother, Myself via @HaHasforHooHas

Before leaving the house for work this morning I conducted my usual routine of wandering around from room to room gathering up the gear that I thought I would need to get through the day. With coffee in one hand and a fruit smoothie in the other I headed for the door precariously balancing a variety of tote bags stuffed with an assortment of useful items I deemed necessary so that I might survive my 12 hour shift as Saturday receptionist at the old folk’s home. I made it out the door without incident and didn’t even get tangled up on the door knob or spill blueberry juice on my freshly laundered ensemble...

Wait, Does that Say Butthole?

Photo submitted by Kim.

We're really hoping he likes playing with his brother, not his butthole.

Has your little one ever misspelled a word into hilarious gold? Send it our way for a chance to be featured on HooHasSubmit and upload photo HERE!

*Submitters may choose to remain anonymous or receive credit for published submissions, just let us know your preference.

Don't Forget the "R"!

Photo submitted by Jennifer.

You can read the story behind this picture on her blog, here.

Shirt, shit - whatevs.

Has your little one ever misspelled a word into hilarious gold? Send it our way for a chance to be featured on HooHasSubmit and upload photo HERE!

*Submitters may choose to remain anonymous or receive credit for published submissions, just let us know your preference.

How Do Pirates Get Their Names?

The five year old is saying something new...something...inappropriate. It's quite funny to the Hubs and me. Oh, hell yes it is...

The Dumbest Summer Activity To Do With Kids

The summer months are chugging on by without any signs of major terror.

There have been play dates and beach days, epic LEGO build-a-thons and museums. So far the boredom level has stayed at a dull roar.

That is until one morning I woke up with the most ambitious of wild hairs up my butt for that day's summer activity; a movie.

In theory, taking my kid to the movies to see a bright, shiny new kid's flick is great. A chance for me to sit, motionless (save for the piles and piles of over-buttered popcorn I'll undoubtedly shove into my face hole with my hand), in a cool, dark, air-conditioned room for a couple hours while surely Dylan will sit calmly and captivated by the motion of the animation on the giant screen. 

In reality, the 45 minutes spent convincing a child in ultimate meltdown that the movie theater is "so much fun" and "not at all loud and scary like they remember last time" (that, honestly you were hoping they'd completely forget) should have been the cue that hey mom, A for effort but this thing just ain't happenin'. I mean you can really only show a two minute trailer for the movie you're about to sell a kidney to afford to see so many times before it sinks in that your kid will be down. Note: that magic number is 476.3 times. 

...

Kids Spelling Badly

Has your little one ever misspelled a word into hilarious gold? Send it our way for a chance to be featured on HooHasSubmit and upload photo HERE!

*Submitters may choose to remain anonymous or receive credit for published submissions, just let us know your preference.

Another Birthday, Another Batch of Brain Fart

My birthday was this week, and things are sagging—my body AND brain. 

You’d think our brains would improve since they get fuller with time. Not so. Time has sabotaged my ability to clearly communicate without fumbling for the names of my children and/or everyday objects. 

“Bren... Chri....MICHAEL!! Pick up that (pointing) uh... um... AARGH... soccer ball or I will steal your uh... (pointing) your... phone and tweet, “Just finished Say Yes to the Dress. #RandyROCKS.” 

Where Babies Come From and Why I Haven’t Looked at My Dad The Same Ever Since

We all remember shocking, life altering moments in vivid detail.  What were you wearing when JFK was shot?  Where were you when you heard Princess Diana died?  What doll were you cradling in despair when you discovered there was something called “sex” and that your parents were having it?

I was cradling Molly, the nerdy American Girl.  If she was strong enough to get through World War II as her father fought overseas, perhaps she was strong enough to bring me comfort in troubling times.

Here’s how it happened:

My sister, 10 years older than me, had a friend over. They were chatting about some movie, flipping through magazines. I was casually reading a book from the “Little Critter” series, when I overheard something very interesting.  My sister’s friend glanced over at me and, acknowledging my innocence, carefully said, “They were trying to get pregnant so he took her to a fancy hotel.”

Odd ...

I adjusted myself loudly in my plastic, bright pink, blow up chair.  It never occurred to me that something had to happen for a woman to get pregnant.  How were babies made, anyway?  And, what does a fancy hotel have to do with it?  I took mental note of my clues.  Mom would have to be interviewed immediately if this mystery was going to be solved. It took a few attempts to roll out of my blow up chair when my sister and her friend invited me to go get ice cream.

The investigation was going to have to wait.

The Room That Smelled Like A Butt: A Mystery

The other day I tweeted that my son's room smelled like butt. I began looking for the source that day.

Friends suggested looking in the hamper. Nothing unsavory there.

I looked under all the stuffed animals on the floor. No rotting food being hoarded away.

I had a peek under his bed. Not a trace of nastiness...

A Failed Cover Up

I grew up with only sisters and that was cool. Especially when we all hit puberty and it was time to have The Talk about that special time of the month when we'd be "riding the crimson wave" or "Aunt Flo was coming to visit". 

Can we all agree that what we have nicknamed our periods is way more obnoxious than just saying we're on our period?

I remember thinking to myself that there was no way, ever, in the entire world, that I was going to have a child of the female persuasion because of the whole, completely mortified, thing about what I was supposed to do with that crotch cork. I was also very good at biology and anatomy and how it's completely not up to you to decide the gender of your baby, no matter how embarrassed you are as a pre-teen girl learning about tampons. 

I guess it's mind over matter because...

Expectation vs. Reality: 5 Ambitious Summer Breakdowns

What you think it'll be like to wake up late every morning:

Source

What it's really like when the kids still wake up at 6am:

Source

Cussing At The Kids

I can't cuss.

Like for reals-ies.

I tried in college, and sounded like an idiot

Cussing At The Kids via @hahasforhoohas

I really can't stand cursing in general...

Acceptance Speech for Sports Mom of the Year

Ladies and Gentlemen, coaches, trainers, orthopedists, x-ray technicians, the guys who created the Maps app on my phone, and my therapist, Kendall Jackson: I humbly thank you for this honor. 

Thank you for acknowledging my efforts to keep this soccer team at an elite level. Having our eight-year-old girls play against thirteen-year-olds is the best way to prevail in this wonderful sport, as long as they don’t give in to namby-pamby excuses like “strained” hamstrings and torn ACL’s and such. Remember excuses are like sweaty shin guards—everybody’s got ‘em and they all stink. 

I’ve always encouraged Coach Nigel to enter us in tournaments...

Jess' Five Helpful Ways To Tell You've Had A Boy Child

It was that glorious moment in the tiny, dark ultrasound room with four adults repeatedly apologizing for breathing on each others' necks, staring at what looked like a weird, mutant alien on a 10-inch screen. The one professional in the room piped in to tell us that in just a few short months, we'd be welcoming a baby boy. 

Jess' Five Helpful Ways To Tell You've Had A Boy Child via @hahasforhoohas

As far as I could tell, the arrow she'd drawn on the screen looked like it was...

To Anna's Mom on Mother's Day

My dad used to joke the only reason he married a Sicilian woman was so that he could have little black haired, brown eyed babies. Naturally, I popped out a ginger.

Then everyone joked that I was the milk man's baby, which really didn't make sense because the red hair came from my dad.

But I digress ...

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