A Very Public Lesson in Body Hair

A Very Public Lesson in Body Hair via @hahasforhoohas

Growing up is a very vital part of life.

Luckily for me, I had a great, and thankfully patient, teacher in my mother. 

Like most little girls, I was curious. Always asking the hard-hitting questions, I'm sure I proved to be the most obnoxious of the three of us girls. No matter how  incomprehensible the questions I posed could be, my mom was willing to constantly bestow the answers which I would later come learn were 73% BS to get me to hush up for a few minutes of peace. 

I remember the day I learned about the human body's fascinating ability to grow body hair like it was yesterday. And when I say "I remember it like it was yesterday" I obviously mean my mom has retold this story so many times, especially in front of new people in my life who are interested to know what Jess was like as a young girl, that it was probably brought up yesterday so that's why it's so fresh. 

Frankly, I'd Rather Skip to The Ice Cream

Frankly, I'd Rather Skip to The Ice Cream via @hahasforhoohas

There's a time and place for ice cream and I believe the most important time is instead of getting lost in the wilderness. Let me explain…

When we got the news that we'd be relocating to sunny Los Angeles earlier this year, I was ecstatic. I mean this is the birth place of Pinkberry for Pete's sake! I love me some self-serve froyo joints and we were about to live in the mecca. There's not much else that'll help a girl sleep at night, y'know? 

Unfortunately for me, I fell madly in love and made a human being with a marathoner. Excuse me, an ultra marathoner. Steve would have my head if he knew I don't care enough ever to properly title his beautiful love affair with physical movement. Sorry I'm not sorry, honey. Can you pick up a gallon of milk on your way home from work? We're out.

It gets worse though. His weird obsession with "fitness" and "health" and "being jaw-droppingly awesome" has rubbed off on the human we made that I was talking about, so basically I'm screwed.

Cheating Death & Prison: A Survivor's Tale of a (Kinda) Fatal Encounter with Moldy Cheese

Cheating Death & Prison: A Survivor's Tale of a (Kinda) Fatal Encounter with Moldy Cheese via @hahasforhoohas

It was a week or so ago and the day had been a long one.

Clouds were rolling in overhead and by the time I'd picked my kid up from school, the sounds my stomach were making in anticipation of some sort of food rivaled the scale they use to classify tornadoes. It was like that cow from Twister kept flying back and forth through my hollow belly, winds howling, storm chasers pooping their pants in fear that they'd reached The End. 

I nearly closed the door behind me, leaving Dylan on the porch. I had eyes for the refrigerator and safely getting my loved ones through the front door dropped dramatically to the bottom of my list of top life priorities. After reassuring him that "all the cool kids have door knob shaped scars on their foreheads", I made a beeline to the kitchen like I was making a mad dash for the hams on Supermarket Sweep. 

Four Days Left + A Dream Boat

We don't want to make a big fuss about it or anything, so we'll just leave this right here for you...

Four Days Left + A Dream Boat via @hahasforhoohas #hahasfortatas

Only a few days left to get your #HooHasforTaTas tees for 10% off! Everybody's doing it over here. Even Ryan Gosling.

Plus? The same portion of the proceeds from each shirt sale are directly benefiting the fine work of the Breast Cancer Research Foundation

Martha Stewart Caption Party

Martha Stewart Caption Party via @hahasforhoohas

(Photo by Amy Bellgardt)

​If you had to caption this remarkably priceless photo of Martha Stewart, what would you say?!

We want to hear the zingers you've got! We'll be picking our favorites from the comments below and over on Facebook to share them here next Wednesday! 

::snort:: tulle ::snort::

How I Made A Halloween Costume My Child Love-Hated

Halloween as a crafty mom of a school-aged child is a really fun time of the year. 

Dylan and I had gone back and forth for weeks on what he wanted to dress up as this year. A quick trip to the science center, a swing through the gift shop (because, obviously) and the purchase of chameleon goggles and his Halloween costume fate was sealed. He wanted to be a lizard. Well, the trip to the science center and the jewel jar in kindergarten that's "fill goal" was A HALLOWEEN PARTY, WHAT THE HAY, MOMMY! A HALLOWEEN PARTY! 

For weeks, back in August, he begged me to take him to the craft store every day to get all the supplies to make his lizard costume. Can I take a brief moment here to mention how insanely adorable it is for your child who's working through saying the hardness to the letter R to constantly ask you about a lizard costume? Because it's insanely cute. I finally gave in and took him. Before it was even September. 

Shirts That Deserve Their Name In Lights

Shirts That Deserve Their Name In Lights via @hahasforhoohas

Can you even imagine what a movie like this would look like in real life?! Me neither!

Well the only thing I do know for certain is that I'd make Emma Stone play my stunt double. You know, for all of the action shots that would naturally be written into a story about loving your boobs...say what?! 

All the silliness aside, we've sold a ton of the limited time Breast Cancer Awareness line benefiting the Breast Cancer Research Foundation in the past few weeks and still have plenty available for anyone who hasn't grabbed theirs yet. 

Go to the HooHas Shop to buy your Breast Cancer Awareness Tees now!

Crap You Don't Need But Maybe We Do: Thong Jeans

Crap We Don't Need But Maybe You Do: Thong Jeans via @hahasforhoohas

Do you ever find yourself struggling to put together just the right outfit in the morning? Maybe you're headed out the door to an important business meeting? Perhaps even to school drop off? 

I know I have issues deciding what to wear every time I lift my head off that beautiful pillow. At the same time, I like for my wardrobe to make a statement about me, as a person, as an individual, if you will. 

This is why the moment I laid eyes on this hassle-free approach to one of the most reflective and fashionable statement pieces ever created, I was all wallet and no regret.


I Am The Fred Astaire of The Potty Dance

I Am The Fred Astaire of The Potty Dance via @hahasforhoohas

I've always had a talent for holding in my pee with grace. 

I'm sure it started when I was fairly young, but I can't be entirely sure because I was an infant and infants have terrible memories. If the beauty of my movement today is any indication of where I've come from, I'm confident I came out kick, ball changing. 

This Bad News Can't Break Me

This Bad News Can't Break Me via @hahasforhoohas

There is some bad news I just received that, if I were to let it, could very well destroy me. That's what it was intended to do to a fragile woman like me, but I refuse.

It has recently been brought to my attention that the most incredible piece of news in the past decade, turns out to be just a hopeful rumor.

Your Toddler Is Worse Than A Bull In A China Shop

Your Toddler Is Worse Than A Bull In A China Shop via @HaHasforHooHas

Every first time mom feels one of two ways about the fancy new hat she wears now: totally unprepared or completely invincible. It only took me eighteen months of being completely invincible to realize that I was totally unprepared...

What To Do When Patrick Dempsey Falls In Love With You

When Patrick Dempsey Falls In Love With You via @HaHasforHooHas

I had the pleasure of getting on the phone with the incredible Patrick Dempsey for an intimate interview about the upcoming season of Grey's Anatomy. What I didn't expect was what kind of intimate this interview was about to become.

Me: Hey Patty D! How are you?...

The Moth Hunter

I am programmed to loathe bugs entirely. The flying kind, even more so. The flying wannabe, beautiful butterfly kind, the most.

We entertained friends for dinner last night and when 9pm rolled around and every. last. one. of us was shoving toothpicks into our eyelids, because, “When the hell did we get sooooooo oooooooold?!”, it was time to bid our guests a sweet farewell.

Dead bolt, undone. Door, unlocked. Hugs, distributed. Knucks, pounded. Then, right then, it happened…

The Mother Hunter via @hahasforhoohas

What appeared to be something Bastian Balthazar Bux would be clinging to for dear life in 1984...

Jess' Five Helpful Ways To Tell You've Had A Boy Child

It was that glorious moment in the tiny, dark ultrasound room with four adults repeatedly apologizing for breathing on each others' necks, staring at what looked like a weird, mutant alien on a 10-inch screen. The one professional in the room piped in to tell us that in just a few short months, we'd be welcoming a baby boy. 

Jess' Five Helpful Ways To Tell You've Had A Boy Child via @hahasforhoohas

As far as I could tell, the arrow she'd drawn on the screen looked like it was...

HooHas Website Baby Shower

Well hello there! 

Welcome to the official celebration of our brand new website baby who turned out to look a lot less like this female-ish, infant version of Nicholas Cage:

New Website Baby via @hahasforhoohas