Conversations with My Husband

Conversations with My Husband: My Foot in His Mouth

Setting:  At a party talking to a mother with twin toddlers.

Husband:  Oh man, having twins must suck. 

Me:  *pinching the back of his arm*  I think what my husband means to say is that twins must keep you very busy ...

Mother:  Yeah, it's definitely a full-time job, but we're pretty crazy about them.

Conversations with My Husband: Pee Paradise

Me:  I think I'm totally cool with spending the rest of our honeymoon at this pool bar.

Husband:  Seriously, this is incredible.  The weather is perfect, we're sitting at a bar - in a pool -and we're on our 50th Banana Rum with no tab. 

Conversations with My Husband: Take My Picture, For Better or For Worse

Husband: Can I stop taking photos of you with those stupid glasses now?

Me: Less yappin' more snappin'!

Husband: Ok babe, that's enough. Seriously, I'm typing up the proposal and I need to submit it in two hours.

Conversations with My Husband: Hijacked By The Christmas Spirit

Husband: How did it go? Were you able to get everybody's Christmas present?

Me: I sure did!  What the - did you drink ALL the EGG NOGG!!!  Oh, phew - I thought that was the last of it.  Anyway, it was a great day of shopping.

Husband: Is that an Express bag?  Who did you shop for at Express?

Conversations with My Husband: Never on The Same Team Again. Ever.

There are reasons why, when playing games with friends, Rob and I are never on the same team.  It could be because I'm extremely, inappropriately, competitive. And because, in general, Rob couldn't give a crap.

This is Cranium night  ...

Me:  Ok, who's acting this one out - me or you?

Husband:  I'll do it.

Conversations with My Husband: Baby Making Logistics

Trying for a baby has its ups and downs, excitements and disappointments.  I just didn't realize my husband would be so disappointed, so soon.

On the phone with Jen late at night ...

Jen:  These are the stories this week - do you have any eCards you want to coincide with them?

Conversations with My Husband: Too Sexy For The Living Room

Setting:  Jen and I are attending the BlogHer '12 conference in New York.  I just purchased dresses for the after parties and I'm modeling them for my husband.

Me:  Ok babe, here we go.  I call this one "Nighttime Conference Chic." 

Husband:  Whoa, whoa, whoa.  That is WAY too sexy.

Me:  Is that a good thing, or ... I'm confused.

Conversations with My Husband: Suspicious Stain

Me:  Hey babe, watcha doin?

Husband: Watching the game with Bruno.

Me:  You guys look cute all cuddled up together.

Husband: Yeah, we're in love.  I wish I had his face towards me instead of his butt though - I feel like I'm in a serious danger zone.

Conversations with My Husband: Hey Good Cookin'!

Husband:  Babe?  Can you make me an egg sandwich for breakfast?

Me:  Honey, I have so much work I have to get done this morning ... can't you make it?  It's just scrambled eggs between toast.

Husband: I know, but you make it so much better than I do ...

Conversations with My Husband: Sort Of

Am I proud that I texted my husband's cell phone to tell him I had his cell phone?

Not exactly.

Am I ashamed?

Pffft.

PS: is it weird that he puts my full name in his contacts like I'm his business associate?

Conversations with My Husband: Remote Controlled

Me:  No!!!  Not basketball again!  Ple - he - he - he - hease ... pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease ...

Husband:  I never get to watch what I want to watch!

Me:  I'm really trying to be generous, but the thought of watching this game for the next 3 hours is sucking the life right out of me.

Conversations with My Husband: And Then Baby Names Destroyed Our Marriage

Not really, but it did make us bicker a lot.

I must leave an Anna Note before diving in to our conversation.  If  a name is mentioned here negatively, and it happens to be yours, or your child's or your precious granny's - please don't be offended.  We're morons and don't know what we're talking about.  Especially my husband.

Conversations with My Husband: "Clean" Kitchen

Me:  Hey!  You're home!

Husband:  I wanted to get home before you did.  Well ... what do you think?

Me:  About what?

Husband: Look around, notice anything different?

Me:  Umm ... I don't think so ...

Conversations with My Husband: Dieting Woes (And Also Blows)

Me:  Ok, so we're really doing it this time, right?  Our holiday weight is coming off NOW!  NO EXCUSES! NO MORE PUTTING IT OFF!  WE'RE DOING THIS!

Husband:  We're doing it!  I am so miserable - I'm really ready this time. Me and you babe.

Conversations with My Husband: Technologically Ignoring Eachother

Me:  Hey hun, did the Vet ever call you back about Bruno's appointment? ... Babe? ... Rob ... Hey Captain iPhone!  I'm asking you a question!

Husband:  Oh my gosh, Babe  - I'm playing this random dude in Words with Friends and I just put down an 80 point word.  He's gonna be so pissed ... *laughs to himself*

Conversations with My Husband: Shopping Double Standards

Husband:  Babe, I need to get some new clothes.  The stuff I have is getting worn out and I'm rotating the same couple pair of jeans all the time.

Me:  Oh, honey, are you serious?  We have spent so much money this month and we just worked out our budget ...

Husband:  So what are you saying ... I can't get new clothes?

Conversations with My Husband: The Vanilla Poop Blues

Side note: Rob and I moved in to an apartment with only one bathroom because it had a primo location downtown. This is a conversation about our struggle with - the one bathroom.

Me:  *yelling through door* Rob!  I seriously have to go - #2 - NOW.  Please hurry.

Husband:  Well, I don't know what to tell you.

Conversations with My Husband: Tebowed on Facebook

 

For the record, we were in the same room, on different computers. #technologyruinsmarriages

 

           

Conversations with My Husband: Resolution Fail

Me:  Frickity frackin' frick, that hurt!

Husband:  What, what, what?!

Me:  Bruno leaped off the couch and used my foot as a launching pad.  His claws scratched my skin off.

Husband:  Let me see ... what, this?  Oh, big baby. I think you'll live, just a couple scratches ...

Conversations with My Husband: Lost (Yo Mind!) & Found

Husband:  Where's that piece of paper?

Me:  Uhhhhhhhh, what?

Husband:  The piece of paper on the kitchen counter, where is it?

Me:  I don't know what you're talking about.  When did you put it there?

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