http://hahasforhoohas.com/stories/5-reasons-my-brain-now-useless-thanks-my-iphone5 Reasons My Brain is Now Useless, Thanks to My iPhone
http://hahasforhoohas.com/stories/how-pee-front-collegue-gracefullyHow To Pee In Front of a Colleague Gracefully
A few weeks ago, I attended a conference in New Orleans. During one of the session breaks, a colleague and I decided to go make a run for some beignets.
We found some alright. After two bites my entire face was coated with powdered sugar and my black pants looked like I had a white blanket across my lap. I tried to get it off, but it mostly smeared, putting me in a mild panic. After beating my legs like women used to beat stains out of their dresses with rods, I managed to get to my pants to the “Eff it,” stage where I just didn’t care anymore. My conference friend and my powdered sugar pants were off to do something fun.
http://hahasforhoohas.com/stories/baby-teeth-necklaces-and-other-reasons-weve-lost-our-damn-mindsBaby Teeth Necklaces and Other Reasons We've Lost Our Damn Minds
As in, not only are we celebrating their birth day - but we're also celebrating that half-way mark to their next birthday.
As if birthday parties for kids haven't become stressful enough? Parents are already trying to create Pinterest approved magic by clearing out Hobby Lobby stores and creating a homemade event that would put a Martha Stewart themed circus to shame - do we really want to start doing this TWICE a year now? Why? Is this like a twisted version of the Hunger Games where parents try to eliminate one another with pure exhaustion by one upping everyone with fabulous and adorable parties?
Anyway, turns out - adding an extra birthday party seems to be the least of our troubles. There was one thing on the list that really got my attention.
http://hahasforhoohas.com/stories/my-husbands-worst-man-cold-ever-happen-meThe Worst Man Cold To Ever Happen To Me
I woke up yesterday morning like I could conquer the world. As I cheerfully peeled back my comforter and jumped to my feet, I started to put on my work uniform: an oversized hoodie, high ponytail, boyfriend sweatpants and slippers. Bra optional.
Nothing could stop me.
I had a full day of writing ahead which meant I needed to brew 12 cups of coffee. I started humming to myself the sweet melodies of a life well lived when like a flash of lightening, the record of joy screeched to a horrifying halt.
My mouth went dry. My pulse high. I was frozen solid. I tried to gulp air, but it felt like I was swallowing sand. No, not now, God. No. I can’t. Please. Not now.
Nyquil was out on the counter, tipped on its side. A tiny plastic cup was upside down dripping its contents. Cough drop wrappers stuck in the pool of purple goo like flies trying to break free from those weird sticky thingies people hang from the ceilings when they’re hoarders.
A man cold was in my house.
I gripped the counter, my knees trembled. I can’t have a man cold in my house. Not this week. Not ever.
http://hahasforhoohas.com/stories/conversations-my-husband-reality-bitesConversations with My Husband: Reality Bites
Husband: Oh my god. You recorded a Britney Spears special on E!?
Me: Well, yes. I mean - I would have watched it live, but Long Island Medium and Little People Big World were also recording.
Husband: Really. Britney Spears, Anna?
Me: This is her big comeback, ok? Let the first person who hasn't shaved their head and hit cars with umbrellas and then act crazy and drugged on the X Factor cast the first stone.
Husband: Long Island Medium? Little People Big World?
Me: Now that the kids are out of the house - well except for the one kid that's the little person - their marriage is crumbling. I care about these things, ok? I really want them to make it, but Matt seems to be going through a mid-life crisis and Amy doesn't feel loved or appreciated. All of these weddings have been really hard on his joints and he isn't sure he can do it anymore. Why am I even explaining this to you? You don't understand us.
http://hahasforhoohas.com/stories/Cindy-Chupack-the-longest-date-life-as-a-wife-book-review-preorderCindy Chupack's New Book + HooHas eCards = Pure Magic
Cindy Chupack is an Emmy-winning television writer/producer (Sex and the City and Modern Family, just to name two). I was given a copy of her latest book "The Longest Date: Life as a Wife" and I laughed so hard, so many times, I had to put the book down and walk away. I'm not exaggerating. Ask my husband. He was getting annoyed because football was on.
When you're not laughing, you're crying, as she shares some of life's struggles, including infertility. It's a hilarious book that keeps it oh so real about marriage. Beautiful, messy, left the toilet seat up, marriage.
http://hahasforhoohas.com/stories/annas-freaking-ridiculous-friday-so-far-gifsAnna's Freaking Ridiculous Friday So Far, in GIFs
Last night I was working on my new website and fell down a creative rabbit hole that kept me up until an embarrassing 4 am in the morning. What am I, 15 years old watching YouTube videos?
Anyway, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up with a sun beam shooting directly into my closed eyeballs. Despite being closed, I'm convinced I still have eye damage. Regardless, as I was rudely woken up with eye damage, I stumbled awake and desperately tried to get my crap together.
http://hahasforhoohas.com/stories/annas-fart-story-part-government-scandal-i-repeat-government-scandalAnna's Fart Story is a Part of a Government Scandal. I Repeat - a Government Scandal!
If you’re a fan of HaHas for HooHas and didn’t just stumble over to our site by Googling “My husband wants me to pee on him, is this normal?” (yes, that’s a real Google search that brought someone to our website – and no ma’am, it isn’t normal), then you’re aware that I wrote a story called The Fart that (Almost) Altered My Destiny two years ago and long story short, it became the fart heard round the world.
Since it went viral, let’s just say some crazy things have happened:
http://hahasforhoohas.com/stories/things-make-me-irrationally-ragey-probably-shouldnt-be-totally-honest-part-deuxThings That Make Me Irrationally Ragey: Part Deux
Guess what, friends? So many things apparently make me so irrationally ragey, I've made a part deux! Some I've listed here were inspired by you, the fans, by the comments left in the first post. The rest, of course, were inspired by the Christmas Spirit. Enjoy!
Christmas Light Hell
Last year, when I took my Christmas lights off the tree, I meticulously rolled and organized them in such a way so that the following year, I would be able to pull them out of the box and wrap them around my new tree with ease.
Yet, somehow, sitting in an undisturbed box for one year evidently causes lights to get more tangled than my web of lies when someone calls me when I'm asleep and I try to play it off like I just got back from a run.
The most cruel twist to my tangled lights fiasco is that it really doesn’t matter they’re tangled because miraculously, half of the lights that worked beautifully when they were last unplugged are now acting like buttholes.
Seriously Christmas lights? Seriously? Is this some prank to knock my Christmas Spirit down a few pegs? Why don’t you just break my Mariah Carey Christmas CD in half while you’re at it?