A Stay-At-Home-Mom-Schedule: Real World Version

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A Stay-At-Home-Mom-Schedule

 

6:30 - My alarm goes off.

7:00 - I actually wake up. The typical wake up is a result of shouting from point blank range while a shoe lace or a nickel are being shoved up my nose.

7:01 - Children begin ordering me to prepare them breakfast and asking me to assemble various toys.

7:20 - Pray that the diapers I'm about to change don't contain sneaker poops. There is nothing more discouraging than settling in to change what appears to be a wet diaper and finding an odorless turd, then scrambling to find the wipes that I didn't anticipate needing.

7:45 - I finally get around to toasting a waffle, or if they're really lucky, scrambling some eggs.

7:50 - Sweep up spilled eggs.

7:55 - Lovingly raise my voice to tell the boys to stop fighting over who got what color bowl.

8:30 - Get around to making my breakfast.

8:45 - Break up a fight over a foam finger while breastfeeding.

9:00 - Get around to eating my breakfast.

9:45 - Attend play date thats sole purpose is to make time pass to get to nap time faster.

11:00 - Peel tantrum throwing children off of the floor after they have been told it is time to leave said play date.

11:15 - Feed tear stained children lunch.

11:20 - Scold children for eating leftover breakfast scrambled egg crumbs from off the floor.

11:21 - Have a conversation with myself about why the kids wouldn't eat their breakfast when I served it to them in the morning, but they are willing to eat it when it is cold and stale off of the floor.

11:23 - Try to come up with a good answer when my 5 year old asks me who I'm talking to.

12:00 - Quiet time (aka Mommy's Pinterest/blogging/Facebook/30 Rock/lunch/fold laundry time)

2:30 - Children wake up and immediately demand snacks.

2:35 - Break up fight over who got which color bowl, while sweeping up crushed crackers and breastfeeding.

2:45 - Pretend to be really into playing lego guys. All the while, being told by my son that it's not a sword it's a light saber and that my Anakin Skywalker voice sounds too girly.

3:00 - Read a Christmas story to my toddler.

3:10 - Read the same Christmas story to my toddler. What can I say? The kid loves a good manger scene.

3:30 - Stare at the clock and think, how is it only 3:30?

3:35 - Call my Mother-in-Law and pray that she invites me over for dinner.

3:45 - Decide to do something domestic - unload the dishwasher then load the dishes from the sink, and discover that it is completely full and needs to be run again. Shoot. Me.

4:00 - Get my kids out of their pajamas.

4:30 - Leave for Grandma's house.

5:00 - Release my children on Grandma.

5:30 - Eat and appreciate a meal that I didn't have to prepare.

6:00 - Gladly accept Grandma's offer to bathe my children. After all, they haven't bathed since the last time they were with Grandma.

6:30 - Dry off my babes and pack up.

6:45 - On the ride home, answer several "deep" questions my five year old has while reaching back and grabbing the sippy cup of milk my toddler is dumping on his lap.

7:30 - Tuck my kids in.

7:35 - Direct my toddler back into bed.

7:38 - Remind my toddler not to kick the wall.

7:40 - Get my five year old a glass of water.

7:42 - Deny my five year old another snack.

7:45 - Listen to my five year old try to negotiate his way into staying up longer.

8:00 - Relish in silence.

8:10pm to 7:00am - On call in case of emergency puking, wet farts, nightmares, bed wetting, accidentally falling out of bed, or life threatening thirst.