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A Stay-At-Home-Mom-Schedule

 

6:30 - My alarm goes off.

7:00 - I actually wake up. The typical wake up is a result of shouting from point blank range while a shoe lace or a nickel are being shoved up my nose.

7:01 - Children begin ordering me to prepare them breakfast and asking me to assemble various toys.

7:20 - Pray that the diapers I'm about to change don't contain sneaker poops. There is nothing more discouraging than settling in to change what appears to be a wet diaper and finding an odorless turd, then scrambling to find the wipes that I didn't anticipate needing.

7:45 - I finally get around to toasting a waffle, or if they're really lucky, scrambling some eggs.

7:50 - Sweep up spilled eggs.

7:55 - Lovingly raise my voice to tell the boys to stop fighting over who got what color bowl.

8:30 - Get around to making my breakfast.

8:45 - Break up a fight over a foam finger while breastfeeding.

9:00 - Get around to eating my breakfast.

9:45 - Attend play date thats sole purpose is to make time pass to get to nap time faster.

11:00 - Peel tantrum throwing children off of the floor after they have been told it is time to leave said play date.

11:15 - Feed tear stained children lunch.

11:20 - Scold children for eating leftover breakfast scrambled egg crumbs from off the floor.

11:21 - Have a conversation with myself about why the kids wouldn't eat their breakfast when I served it to them in the morning, but they are willing to eat it when it is cold and stale off of the floor.

11:23 - Try to come up with a good answer when my 5 year old asks me who I'm talking to.

12:00 - Quiet time (aka Mommy's Pinterest/blogging/Facebook/30 Rock/lunch/fold laundry time)

2:30 - Children wake up and immediately demand snacks.

2:35 - Break up fight over who got which color bowl, while sweeping up crushed crackers and breastfeeding.

2:45 - Pretend to be really into playing lego guys. All the while, being told by my son that it's not a sword it's a light saber and that my Anakin Skywalker voice sounds too girly.

3:00 - Read a Christmas story to my toddler.

3:10 - Read the same Christmas story to my toddler. What can I say? The kid loves a good manger scene.

3:30 - Stare at the clock and think, how is it only 3:30?

3:35 - Call my Mother-in-Law and pray that she invites me over for dinner.

3:45 - Decide to do something domestic - unload the dishwasher then load the dishes from the sink, and discover that it is completely full and needs to be run again. Shoot. Me.

4:00 - Get my kids out of their pajamas.

4:30 - Leave for Grandma's house.

5:00 - Release my children on Grandma.

5:30 - Eat and appreciate a meal that I didn't have to prepare.

6:00 - Gladly accept Grandma's offer to bathe my children. After all, they haven't bathed since the last time they were with Grandma.

6:30 - Dry off my babes and pack up.

6:45 - On the ride home, answer several "deep" questions my five year old has while reaching back and grabbing the sippy cup of milk my toddler is dumping on his lap.

7:30 - Tuck my kids in.

7:35 - Direct my toddler back into bed.

7:38 - Remind my toddler not to kick the wall.

7:40 - Get my five year old a glass of water.

7:42 - Deny my five year old another snack.

7:45 - Listen to my five year old try to negotiate his way into staying up longer.

8:00 - Relish in silence.

8:10pm to 7:00am - On call in case of emergency puking, wet farts, nightmares, bed wetting, accidentally falling out of bed, or life threatening thirst.

Ashley and her man have three little boys that treat her like a Queen. By "treat her like a Queen" she means they run and hide under clothing racks at Wal Mart, pee on her furniture, and ask her why her legs are so jiggly. With a house full of boys, she never knows what new bodily fluid story she will have to tell or what the day has in store. Find her at http://uglyhomemaker.blogspot.com/.

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